


Strange Creatures

by vailkagami



Category: Doctor Who: Eighth Doctor Adventures - Various Authors
Genre: Gen, non-detailed mention of a giant alien penis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2013-12-19
Packaged: 2018-01-05 03:23:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1089024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vailkagami/pseuds/vailkagami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a centaur in the rose garden and it's probably going to kill them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strange Creatures

“Oh, it’s a centaur!” The Doctor exclaims happily. And quietly. He can make quiet yet enthusiastic exclamations. Fitz will never not admire him. “I haven’t seen one in ages.”

“Have you ever seen one at all?” Fitz certainly hasn’t. During all his travels with the Doctor, before and after Gallifrey, they have never encountered a Centaur, so if he never met one, the Doctor probably hasn’t either. Unless it was before he met Fitz, and that doesn’t count. It literally doesn’t.

“Don’t be silly. They are extremely rare. And violent. Keep your voice down, if you would be so kind.”

Fitz wonders how the Doctor knows that. He probably did meet one once, in times forgotten, and now the knowledge is leaking through and the Doctor doesn’t even wonder where it’s coming from. Maybe he met a lot of them. Maybe they tried to kill him and he remembers that on some level. Maybe he blew up their planet. He does that.

The Doctor is hiding behind the bushes, his eyes on the creature with the very big hooves and the horns on his head. Fitz never expected the horns. He’s more worried about the hooves, though. He wonders if the thing will attack on sight.

From the distance, it’s hard to tell the creature’s height, but it seems to be rather big. Higher in the back than Fitz is tall. Probably. He’s not going to go over there to check.

Between the centaur’s hind legs a giant penis swings with every step. Wow. Fitz kind of can’t look away. It’s probably impolite.

Maybe that’s why the things are so aggressive. Because people won’t stop staring at their giant dongs.

Fitz tears his eyes away and looks at the Doctor instead. The Doctor looks like a gleeful little boy, but not like the kind of giggly kid who just saw a penis. Just delighted about the giant aggressive and possibly lethal creature in his figurative backyard. He doesn’t seem afraid, but then, when does he ever?

He hasn’t really changed at all, Fitz thinks as fear and caution make him turn his attention back to the centaur walking between the rose bushes. But that’s a stupid thought, and he acknowledges it as such. He still likes to think it sometimes because it makes him feel better.

“What’s he doing here?” he asks the Doctor, keeping his voice very low.

“Smelling the roses, by the look of it.”

The centaur is, really. He stopped between the bushes and plucked one long stem with numerous red blossoms, smelling them with an expression of wonder on his face. Maybe they don’t have roses where he comes from.

The thorns don’t seem to bother him. They probably have no chance of penetrating that thick skin.

“Yeah, I can see that. But what is he _doing_ here?”

“He might have gotten lost. We should help him.” The Doctor’s whole face lightens up, like he just had a brilliant idea that is going to be _so much fun_. Fitz groans, just a little.

“He can _kill_ us!”

“A lot of things can kill us, Fitz. That doesn’t mean he _will_ kill us. It’s just a little more likely with him. He might try, in any case.” A thoughtful expression falls on his face. “You should probably stay here.”

“Don’t worry about that. I probably will.”

He does, too. Stay there. Fitz thinks about going after the Doctor when he leaves their cover and strolls over to the centaur like he didn’t have a care in the world, but it would probably get him killed. He’d say something wrong, or the TARDIS would mistranslate him again, or the centaur would simply not like his face, and he’d get it smashed in by giant hooves. He knows how that goes. So far he’s always gotten away (except that one time he didn’t), but his luck isn’t going to hold up forever. Nope. Not going to risk it.

Except he also knows how this will go for the Doctor. Well, he knows a number of possible scenarios but most of them end with the Doctor almost getting killed. With any luck, the centaur will recognize him because he _did_ blow up his planet at some point. Or the centaur will not recognize him but the Doctor will give his identity away by introducing himself. And then the Centaur will remember that some Doctor guy once blew up his planet and stamp him into the dirt with the giant hooves and the Doctor will almost die.

If Fitz goes after him, the chance of either of them triggering an attack will just be doubled.

So he waits. Very determinately. If the Doctor gets in trouble, that’s his problem. And Fitz’s problem, too, okay. And he’d come out of hiding to get stomped as well, or maybe to get stomped instead, though he tries not to picture that scenario. For the moment, he contents himself with sitting behind their bush – just _his_ bush, now – and watching the Doctor walk away.

The centaur notices him quickly enough. He seems wary and kind of ready to attack, but no attacking is happening yet. It’ll probably start after the Doctor said his name.

Fitz watches him near the creature and he looks so unconcerned, and so self-assured and familiar. Fitz watches him and he’s half friend and half alien, half time lord and half lost, half Doctor and half something else. Fitz should probably watch the centaur instead, but he can’t take his eyes off the Doctor because something inside his chest does something weird and twisty that doesn’t feel comfortable at all.

Besides, he’ll know the centaur went into attack-mode once the Doctor starts running.

It doesn’t take long, in the end, until the running starts. And once the Doctor is running, Fitz is running, too, and soon they are running together back to the TARDIS and it’s entirely the Doctor’s fault, naturally, for going out to talk with the bloody centaur.

It’s not the centaur they end up running from – in fact, he’s running with them – and there seems to be no immediate connection between the Doctor’s actions and the sudden invasion of insect monsters, but Fitz blames him anyway, because that’s familiar, and it is easy.

The TARDIS, of course, is not where they left it, so they have to stay and risk their lives and save the world in the process. The giant naked centaur helps. Some things never change, it seems. Some days, that even is enough.

 

18 December 2013

**Author's Note:**

> For my [genprompt-bingo](http://genprompt-bingo.dreamwidth.org/) card. Prompt: _Centaur_.


End file.
